Saying No
Even though it's not easy to do, say no.
Our culture teaches girls to let boys down easy. Our movies and songs convey the message: "If at first she says no, ask again; then keep pursuing until boy gets girl."
Unfortunately, in cases of unwanted pursuit, these messages reinforce the negative behavior. In dealing with unwanted attention and uninvited pursuit, no must be the only message and the only answer.
Anything less than a clear "no" leaves the door open and encourages further contact. To a stalker, messages like, "I'm not ready for a relationship," sound like an invitation to stay around and keep trying because there is a chance. A message like, "I still like you as a friend," establishes that a relationship does exist; just not the relationship that the pursuer wants.
Negotiating with a pursuer who makes you feel uncomfortable grants him some further contact and the expectation of a continuing relationship. When dealing with pursuers, it is often said to engage is to enrage.
When breaking off any relationship, always remember that you are the expert. If you feel uncomfortable or scared, tell someone and get help.
Saying No | Long Term
"No" is a complete sentence. Use it when necessary.
love me not is the Los Angeles County District Attorney's proactive,
informative anti-stalking program in partnership with Peace Over Violence.
Comments or suggestions about the lovemenot website?
Contact the lovemenot team at webmail@lacountyda.org
Disclaimer: this project is supported by Grant 98WFVX0008 awarded by the Violence Against Women Office, Office of Justice Program, United States Department of Justice (USDJ), through the Governor's Office of Criminal Justice Planning. Points of view in this document are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the official position or policies of the USDJ.
© 2008, Los Angeles County
District Attorney's Office